On May 17 I said that I could step through the grieving process so that I could be useful to myself and others. It is just a matter of realizing that there are four steps and then going through them one at a time. It does take practice to do it rapidly. This is the way that I do it.
1. The shock and denial stage is overcome by forcing yourself to say that this has happened and I have to accept it so that I can accomplish the things that must be done. I can come back later and think about events that have occurred.
2. Anger and questioning is set aside by telling yourself that you don't have time right now to to get angry and that it will accomplish nothing so I will save it for later. I have no time for what if I had done this since right now I HAVE to do this.
3. Depression is something that I have no time for since important things have to be done now. These things have to be done by me since they are my responsibility.
4. I have to accept the reality since I know in my heart that it is true and these things have to be done and arrangements have to be made.
At this point You will be able to operate on a functional level as long as you have things to do. When you have idol time you will find yourself slipping back to stage one.
The more often that you do this the easier it gets and it shortens the grief process a great deal.
An important point that I want to make here is that sharing your feelings with others is a great help since at first we each feel that we are totally alone with our grief. It is amazing just how many people you will meet who have had or are going through something similar. Many of them will tell you that your sharing has helped them with issues that they have been unable to resolve.
Love and Strength to all,
John
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