On April 18, 2010 just two days after the murders Billy and I were staying at the hospital with Margaret. It was about 11 PM and Billy and Margaret were asleep and I was just sitting there feeling very empty. While I was sitting there I wrote this.
Life is like a jungle I have often herd it said
Full of wild creatures that fill you full of dread
There are lions, Tigers, wolves, spiders, lots of nasty snakes
All kinds of scary creatures that give us all the shakes
But the jungle just like life has orchids, funny monkeys and giraffes
Birds of amazing beauty, lots of things that bring out laughs
Sometimes I have to remind myself and I remind you too
That how we perceive our lives depends on point of view
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Dealing with grief
I have been having computer problems and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to this.
No matter what the cause is, the grieving process takes a general form.
1. Shock and denial. The feeling that this can't be happening to me, this is not real, it is all a bad dream.
2. Anger and questioning. We have lost something of value and we are angry and then we start to ask "what if I had done this or that." or "why didn't I see this coming." This questioning can often lead to guilt, "I could or should have done this or that."
3. Depression. Even if we do not feel excessive guilt, we experience a feeling of depression for we have lost something of value.
4. Acceptance of reality. We realize that the event has taken place and nothing can change it. At this point the real healing begins to take place.
My sister and I were discussing this on the phone the other day (she lives 1000 miles away) and she told me that where she works the company issues mechanical pencils which are colored black but since she prefers red, she buys her own and when she loses one she feels all of the steps above for a brief time.
We all handle these steps in our own way but each of us go through the four steps after any loss. The greater the loss and the more unexpected it is, the stronger the feelings.
No matter what the cause is, the grieving process takes a general form.
1. Shock and denial. The feeling that this can't be happening to me, this is not real, it is all a bad dream.
2. Anger and questioning. We have lost something of value and we are angry and then we start to ask "what if I had done this or that." or "why didn't I see this coming." This questioning can often lead to guilt, "I could or should have done this or that."
3. Depression. Even if we do not feel excessive guilt, we experience a feeling of depression for we have lost something of value.
4. Acceptance of reality. We realize that the event has taken place and nothing can change it. At this point the real healing begins to take place.
My sister and I were discussing this on the phone the other day (she lives 1000 miles away) and she told me that where she works the company issues mechanical pencils which are colored black but since she prefers red, she buys her own and when she loses one she feels all of the steps above for a brief time.
We all handle these steps in our own way but each of us go through the four steps after any loss. The greater the loss and the more unexpected it is, the stronger the feelings.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Update on Margaret
I have had a busy week and have not had time for emotions. Margaret went back to the hospital on the seventh and had her right leg amputated below the knee on the tenth. I will work on catching this up this week as I have a lot to say about the grieving process.
Love to All,
John
Love to All,
John
Saturday, June 5, 2010
More on the hardedest thing
After Margaret had been asleep for half an hour I went outside to have a smoke break. I try not to smoke much but I just had to have a break just then.
As I left the room one of the women in the room across the hall called me. I had met them casually, seeing them every day when I went to visit Margaret. She said that she had herd Margaret cry out and asked what was wrong. When I told them the other lady told me that she had lost a cousin to murder many years ago and they had never caught the killer.
I know that murder happens every day but I had never met a survivor before and felt that we were all alone with our feelings and anger. This lady was the first angel in that God had placed her where I could meet her at my lowest point and learn that we were not alone in the suffering that we were going through. Here was someone who could really understand.
The conversation that I had with these women was the first step in handling my personal grief. This is when I realized that there were many people going through the same thing and that opening up to others might help them though the struggle that they were having. I also realized that by telling what I was going through would Provide me with an outlet that might keep me from going crazy.
As I left the room one of the women in the room across the hall called me. I had met them casually, seeing them every day when I went to visit Margaret. She said that she had herd Margaret cry out and asked what was wrong. When I told them the other lady told me that she had lost a cousin to murder many years ago and they had never caught the killer.
I know that murder happens every day but I had never met a survivor before and felt that we were all alone with our feelings and anger. This lady was the first angel in that God had placed her where I could meet her at my lowest point and learn that we were not alone in the suffering that we were going through. Here was someone who could really understand.
The conversation that I had with these women was the first step in handling my personal grief. This is when I realized that there were many people going through the same thing and that opening up to others might help them though the struggle that they were having. I also realized that by telling what I was going through would Provide me with an outlet that might keep me from going crazy.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
What can happen next?
My computer has been down and I have been unable to post until now. Margaret and I have been busy sorting out things that got neglected while she was in the hospital and arrangements were being made for Sue and Maggie. This has helped keep our minds occupied and has given us some stability.
On May 28 DSS removed our grandsons and we don't know why at this time. My wife and I were beginning to get a handle on our grief and this move sent us into a tailspin and it was so hard to remain positive. I found a movie named May you be blessed and I have a link to it on the right side of the Blog. This movie is a very positive reminder that God is in control and there is hope.
Please watch it as I am sure that you will enjoy it and find hope in it.
Bless you all,
John
On May 28 DSS removed our grandsons and we don't know why at this time. My wife and I were beginning to get a handle on our grief and this move sent us into a tailspin and it was so hard to remain positive. I found a movie named May you be blessed and I have a link to it on the right side of the Blog. This movie is a very positive reminder that God is in control and there is hope.
Please watch it as I am sure that you will enjoy it and find hope in it.
Bless you all,
John
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